Marriage – Same-Sex or Otherwise – #1

While listening to news reports of demonstrations outside the Supreme Court as they hear arguments pro and con regarding same-sex marriage, several things come to mind. The first harks back to the early 1980s and the visits from the little men in brown robes. This was their statement to me:

“The problem with your idea of marriage is that as soon as two people get married in your world, all personal growth and development stops. Both parties begin NOT doing the things they would like or need to do because it upsets the other.  The original meaning of the word husband was “to raise to fullness.” In ancient times, to marry meant that two people would come together and commit to helping one another make as much progress as possible toward becoming full spiritual beings. Their goal was to ‘husband’ one another by nurturing the gifts, encouraging the dreams, and supporting the soul development of each. Today, the goal is to make the legal arrangement last as long as possible. Personal development comes to a complete halt. As such, we cannot support marriage as you practice it.”

The second came from my divorce lawyer at the time that Jim and I split up a few years ago. He shocked me by saying that the marriage laws had been set up solely for the benefit of men. Marriage became a legal affair in order to allow men to collect and hang onto property while at the same time making it difficult for women to own or hold onto property. He said that somewhere back in the Middle Ages, women had to bring property to the man or they would likely remain unmarried. The bigger the property, the more quickly the woman would be snapped up – usually in a deal decided by her father and the man who wanted to expand his land holdings. Love was not what brought people together, and no man of means expected to love his wife or be faithful to her. As soon as the required heir had been born, the master of the estate would build a small house at the far edge of the property for his wife, furnish it comfortably, hire a few servants to tend the house and the wife, and move her into the new place. He would then promptly bring his mistress or lover into the big house and proceed to enjoy the benefits of the property that came with the wife and the sexual relations that came with the lover.  Although the 19th century and women’s liberation has brought some changes in the way divorce is handled, the basic laws of marriage are in place to benefit men and the state.

Given the above, what makes us think the Supreme Court is a good place to decide on the question of same-sex marriage? This question will be repeated in the next blog on Marriage!

12 thoughts on “Marriage – Same-Sex or Otherwise – #1

  1. Hi Penny:   This says it well, and this part has been the way I’ve always been in every relationship from my teenage years onward….   “The original meaning of the word husband was “to raise to fullness.” In ancient times, to marry meant that two people would come together and commit to helping one another make as much progress as possible toward becoming full spiritual beings. Their goal was to ‘husband’ one another by nurturing the gifts, encouraging the dreams, and supporting the soul development of each.”   being the winds beneath with wings of those I love….Bruce   Also with the realization that the time together is only for the period of time for the growth of the soul, which maybe a life time and it may not (that part may hurt even with knowingness).  However when we honor that the other magic is that often the relationships of the past evolve into very respected friendships.  In celibrating my birthday yesterday those relationships of the past came to light again with calls, messages and cards and from as far away as Bombay, India…   Blessings on all that you do and write….Bruce

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    • Happy Birthday, Bruce! I like the way you point out that the period of time we will be together in relationship might be a lifetime…or could be very short. Whether long or short, one of the reasons we come into close relationship is because it allows our flaws to come to the surface so we can work on them and continue to evolve our consciousness…sigh! Not that it’s all work and no play; it’s just that the media has seriously distorted our views of relationship by trying to make us believe it’s all about “romance.” The romance should be with Life! When a partner is part of our life, they can share a little of the romance, but everyone should keep in mind that we’re all here learning and growing toward the ability to create perfectly.

  2. Hi,

    This came in from Penny Kelly….I agree with the “little men in brown robes”…Tatiana

    Sent from my iPad

  3. Hi Penny,

    Raised Catholic and separated after a difficult 30 year marraige my family asked that before taking any further decisions I should first speak to our parish priest. Hesitantly I went to the meeting expecting to be told to tow the party line and this is what was said to me, “A marraige that does not support individual realization is not a marraige” Powerful stuff and I now understand that a loving relationship can be measured by the support given to the other person’s personal growth. The most beautiful thing is that it need not be both ways.

    Lots of love
    Phillip

  4. Again, I can’t post on your blog but if someone wants to cut and paste it in I am all for that!   Hi Penny, I’d like to also add to your post on Same Sex Marriage.   Personally I don’t judge people on their “LOVE” choices. If it’s good for you and supports who you are then I am all for it.   What is important but is never – and I mean never – addressed in the news, is the legality of marriage. As a ‘Married” couple you are given legal rights that are not available through common law. That is the issue! In most states if you are not married and one partner ends up really sick, the hospital and family can prevent you from seeing your loved one. Can you imagine?! This lack of legal protection can also expand to the children, wills, last wishes etc. That’s why I support same sex marriage. It’s not a choice for me, however, I support the gay persons’ right to the same legal protection I have in my marriage. And that’s how I see it.:) Patty  

    From: Penny Kelly >To: pat4086@yahoo.com >Sent: Tuesday, March 26, 2013 7:45 PM >Subject: [New post] Marriage – Same-Sex or Otherwise – #1 > >Penny Kelly posted: “While listening to news reports of demonstrations outside the Supreme Court as they hear arguments pro and con regarding same-sex marriage, several things come to mind. The first harks back to the early 1980s and the visits from the little men in brown ro” >

    • That’s exactly one of the points my lawyer was making to me. If the system can get people to become a party to a set of laws, then it’s a very short step to being able to control their assets, be they lands, children, rights, money, etc. So we all agree to be bound by law, but the assumption is that the laws will be agreed upon by all of us, and that they will be fair. When that doesn’t happen and laws are used to squeeze people, there is deep injustice, usually based on the idea that some people are better than others or deserve more than others. If we don’t abide by the laws, then there is chaos and people get hurt in other ways. The thing I love about our system is that it is based on the rule of law. The thing I hate about our system is that it takes a near-revolution and millions of dollars to make a change. Couldn’t the system be more responsive than that without becoming flighty or irresponsible???

  5. It seems to me that most relationships have an unequal balance of power, whether husband and wife, same sex couples, therapist and client, teacher and student, friend and friend, depending on education, money, position, age, experiece, mental health, etc. And then every person has characteristics of both male and female and you add culture, family, past lives, the coming Aquairan Age etc. It’s a wonder any relationships survive!

      • Yes, so many fabulous cultures have been mashed into the same box…and so many fabulously interesting individuals have been convinced to drop who they really are in favor of some predefined version of what we “should” be.

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