Journey Back to Love

There’s a live symposium happening! Hosted by Suzy Miller and Sandie Sedgbeer, this is a multi-day event offered for those on a spiritual journey. There are seven other speakers besides myself and we will be talking about how to transform your beliefs about love, success and freedom, how to put fears and failures behind you. Join us today at 2:00 p.m.!

This entry was posted on May 25, 2017, in Love.

My dear uncle,

It’s been many, many years since I’ve written a love letter, but I can no longer remain quiet about how I have loved you for so many years and my grief at the recent news about you! How proud I always felt to be with you. I hold you in a special place in my heart and feel so strongly about you that I sometimes think I would put your life before mine in order that you might live forever. Thus, it pains me beyond comprehension to know that you are dying. I fear I will not be able to stand the pain of losing you. My sorrow is overwhelming and I am distraught.

Do you remember when we first met that day on the beach? I was only 7 years old. You were so much older, and I thought, so much wiser. I was listening to Love Letters in the Sand by Pat Boone and suddenly, there you were – a whole world beyond my family home and the little town we lived in.

It was a world of freedom to listen to what I wanted, spend an entire day rolling around in the sand without worry about who or what might be lurking nearby with ill intent, travel across the country unmolested, and feel at one with people from all over – north, south, east, and west.

As I grew older, how I loved the music, the dancing, the camping, the holidays, the museums, the colleges, going to the city, working in a corporation. I loved being part of a system that people from around the world looked to for inspiration. I loved watching the various passions that ebbed and flowed in various ‘movements’ of our people, each group pressing their case for change, for transformation. How I excited I would feel when the system would suddenly ‘work well’ and uphold justice for somebody. Even though it took time and persistence to get those changes, it was so reassuring to know that you were alive, breathing, and responding. You probably didn’t realize it, but you taught us with your slow, measured changes that change was possible. In fact, you were teaching with your own actions that we should think of changes as normal, necessary, and natural. The message you sent at every level was that there was a need for ongoing change, and I thank you for this.

I know that death is near, and I weep daily at the thought that you are at that fateful door. I have noticed your slow, progressive deterioration these past years. I knew that you were getting older, but saying anything to this effect would have been politically incorrect and would have caused uproar in the family. So in sorrowful silence I watched you stumble and fall again and again – with your integrity, your legal tools, your wars and inconsistent approach toward weapons, your science and education, your media and your surveillance. For a long time I made excuses for you  – you had bad parents…you weren’t healthy…you were working on yourself and didn’t have the bandwidth for  anyone else right then…you just made a few mistakes…your friends had been a bad influence on you…maybe you were on drugs…it looked like nobody taught you how to manage money…too much education and not enough common sense…it was everyone else’s fault that you had to do those things… to suddenly asking, “Oh no…is he failing?!…to finally having to face the fact that you were showing signs of terminal dementia and were no longer capable of making your own decisions or managing day-to-day affairs.

I know you have been in hospice for a while, and I don’t know how much time we have left together, but I want you to know that I have desperately loved you – those proud stars and stripes as well as your mountains, lakes, valleys and plains! I am overflowing with gratitude for having had this time with you. You have been an inspiration, and you will go with me wherever I go. I want you to know that those of us you are leaving behind will forever hold you in our hearts. We will do our best to take care of the mountains, lakes, valleys, and plains, and we will strive in every way to honor your messages of freedom and change. If it were possible, I would change you instantly, here and now, healing you of all your ills just so I could still have you in my life. But I fear that our denial has led us to avoid taking action quickly enough, and already your body is shutting down…too many systems in full decline. Another stroke and it will probably be the end. I am not ready…nevertheless, I tell you now, fare thee well on your journey, my friend. You have been loved, and you  will be greatly missed.


Your devoted daughter

The Light Within

There is an old saying, or maybe it is an old teaching, that says we humans live in the dark. When I first heard this, I thought it was saying that we were not very enlightened, or perhaps not very bright in some intellectual way. Later I wondered if the saying was really referring to electricity or the lack of it in early days. Not until I entered into some very advanced states of consciousness did I realize how true the saying was – literally.

I was in the midst of some deep research into consciousness and was paying attention to every nuance of what was happening in my mind. I had been in this hyper-alert state for months and had maintained this watchfulness even when I went to bed. I would watch myself slip out of the body and enter into other dimensions of life and consciousness, noting carefully what I did, always believing that I was truly awake, but later waking up to what I thought was reality…only to wake up from that reality, and maybe even waking up again to discover I had only thought I was awake. The question in the back of my mind was, “How do I know when I’m really awake?”

One afternoon in late June it was hot and I was extremely tired. I decided to lay down for a brief nap. Napping was something I rarely did, but I had worked in the garden all morning and thought the nap would not only allow me to refresh my energies, it would give me another chance to observe consciousness out of the body and perhaps further my research. I climbed up on my bed and curled up on top of the cotton quilt. No coverlet was needed because it was so hot that day.

Within a few moments I slipped out of the body, but for some reason I didn’t go anywhere. I just stood beside the bed looking back at myself and had the thought, “She’s asleep, but I’m awake.”

A powerful voice right beside me startled me with the words, “No, you’re asleep and I’m awake!” I was so shocked that for a moment my consciousness fluttered from one body to the next – the one on the bed, the one standing beside the bed, and the one with the powerful voice standing next to me also beside the bed. As I fluttered back and forth, I was full of confusion. Who was speaking…and who was really awake? Then I merged fully into the consciousness of the one who had declared she was awake.

It is difficult to describe that experience because it was so very far beyond what we can easily imagine. First, it was a state of all-knowingness. To say I knew all things in complete detail without limit would be an understatement. For example, I knew every thread in the quilt on my bed, what country that cotton had come from, which field the cotton had been grown in, which cotton plant it had grown on, where that plant was located within that field, and which boll of cotton the thread had been in on that plant. I knew how much rain and fertilizer it had experienced, who picked it, who baled it, who washed and combed it, who spun it into thread, who dyed it, who wove it into fabric, who cut and pieced it into a quilt, and who shipped and sold it. Every thread was like a personal, private friend that I was intimately aware of.

The same was true of every single thing in my entire home and my environment. I knew the life and history of every piece of clothing in my closet, every two-by-four in the walls and every nail holding them together. I knew every bit of clay, glass, porcelain and metal in my dishes and silverware, and every vegetable, fruit, and cut of meat in my refrigerator or freezer. In the same way, I knew the siding on the house, the shingles on the roof, and every grain of silt, sand, and soil that covered the area in which I lived. I was a personal friend of every particle and molecule in existence and had been in intimate relationship with them for eternity.

It is difficult to imagine the power that is inherent in that state of consciousness. I turned to look across the fields and had only the window to look through. I felt a moment of impatience or irritation that the south wall of my home was in the way and I could not see because of it. In response to my thought wishing the wall away, the wall began to crumble and I could hear the entire building begin to groan and crack under the stress. Instantly, I realized what I had done, and just as instantly I reversed my thought, thanking the wall for being there, for holding up the roof, and for being of service. The crumbling stopped and the wall repaired itself!

The thing that is perhaps the easiest to get your mind around, is the fact that during this entire experience, a brilliant but soft golden light was coming from my body. It lit up the entire room and extended out through the walls of the building another 20 feet or so on each side. My bedroom was an old hayloft that was 30 ft. by 40 ft. and I estimate the light to have been at least 60 feet in diameter. I knew that the light went with me wherever I might go, and that this was what true enlightenment meant – being able to generate light from within the body.

We are all moving steadily toward becoming beings of light, and it is my wish this season that we might begin to grasp what that means in real, practical terms. It means being completely open and loving with one another – even loving the messy, crabby chaos of families during the holidays. It means trusting what you know and inviting more of that knowing into your mind and heart – even if that information contains hurt, sorrow, or disappointment. It means being willing to use our power with humility – even if we have to reverse what we have already said or done. Most of all, it means moving toward becoming more of what we already are – beings filled with light. While the sun is low on the horizon, and we wait for the winter solstice, may you light up the season of darkness with your inner light and send the glow of love in every direction during this holiday season!

A Fireside Chat on July 26, 2014

Here’s a link to a radio interview I did with interviewer Lance White on last Saturday.

Talk Show Episode, A Fireside Chat on July 26, 2014 | BBS Radio

Marriage – Same-Sex or Otherwise – #1

While listening to news reports of demonstrations outside the Supreme Court as they hear arguments pro and con regarding same-sex marriage, several things come to mind. The first harks back to the early 1980s and the visits from the little men in brown robes. This was their statement to me:

“The problem with your idea of marriage is that as soon as two people get married in your world, all personal growth and development stops. Both parties begin NOT doing the things they would like or need to do because it upsets the other.  The original meaning of the word husband was “to raise to fullness.” In ancient times, to marry meant that two people would come together and commit to helping one another make as much progress as possible toward becoming full spiritual beings. Their goal was to ‘husband’ one another by nurturing the gifts, encouraging the dreams, and supporting the soul development of each. Today, the goal is to make the legal arrangement last as long as possible. Personal development comes to a complete halt. As such, we cannot support marriage as you practice it.”

The second came from my divorce lawyer at the time that Jim and I split up a few years ago. He shocked me by saying that the marriage laws had been set up solely for the benefit of men. Marriage became a legal affair in order to allow men to collect and hang onto property while at the same time making it difficult for women to own or hold onto property. He said that somewhere back in the Middle Ages, women had to bring property to the man or they would likely remain unmarried. The bigger the property, the more quickly the woman would be snapped up – usually in a deal decided by her father and the man who wanted to expand his land holdings. Love was not what brought people together, and no man of means expected to love his wife or be faithful to her. As soon as the required heir had been born, the master of the estate would build a small house at the far edge of the property for his wife, furnish it comfortably, hire a few servants to tend the house and the wife, and move her into the new place. He would then promptly bring his mistress or lover into the big house and proceed to enjoy the benefits of the property that came with the wife and the sexual relations that came with the lover.  Although the 19th century and women’s liberation has brought some changes in the way divorce is handled, the basic laws of marriage are in place to benefit men and the state.

Given the above, what makes us think the Supreme Court is a good place to decide on the question of same-sex marriage? This question will be repeated in the next blog on Marriage!

Rules for Transforming Another

February 13, 2011

Here are the rules for transforming another person and creating a miracle in their life:

  1. Hold the firm belief in your mind that they can change. Know it.
  2. Always demonstrate the words and behavior you want them to adopt.
  3. Watch constantly for tiny signs of a move in the right direction and recognize/reinforce that behavior.
  4. Take a firm stand in refusing to accept or overlook unethical behavior, yet do not be cruel.
  5. Use ordinary conversation to plant the seeds of ever-greater consciousness, then nurture the seeds.
  6. Laugh and hug and encourage as much as possible without being false or putting on a show. Be genuine.
  7. Be patient and know that time is one your side.
  8. Everyone has a built-in desire to grow, evolve in maturity, to do the best they can and to be the best they can. Trust this.

Life and Death #4 – Witnesses

April 26, 2010

One year ago, I was drowning in death. My younger brother, my favorite cow, my dog, and my beloved cat – all died within a few weeks of one another. Coming so close on the heels of losing my marriage, it made for a tough time.

A few months after that, the electric company came and cut down all the trees along the road, stripping the edge of the yard and the fields to the west. They didn’t care one whit that I loved those trees and was friends with many of them. Nor did it bother them to waste the majority of the wood, running it through a chipper when it was perfect woodstove size.

The storm of three weeks ago took another big tree out of the back yard, and now I am forced to admit that everything changes. Life comes, it rearranges itself, then death comes. Trying to stop the Great Wheel only leaves us feeling powerless and exhausted. Is there a way to ride that wheel with grace and aplomb?

I often hear two opposing stories running through life. One story tells us that we’re only helpless witnesses and that’s all we’ll ever be…nothing more than hapless spectators, trying to “let go and let God.” Yet, many remain all puffed up with assumptions and unconscious attitudes that cry foul when they don’t get what they expected or feel entitled to.

The other story tells us to take charge, that we are the creators of our reality. So we spin out our days insisting that everything is up to us, deluding ourselves with visions of power and control, while skirting the obvious – the secret frustration that steals over us when death appears, or things don’t go as we wish.

Where is the truth? The truth is that we are merely witnesses to the parade unless we develop our power, which can only be done via higher consciousness and a more expansive awareness. Developing that power requires us to let go of every assumption, excavate unconscious attitudes, step back from all that we’ve known, and in effect, die to what we once were.

After sitting in the quiet place of emptiness and death for awhile, things look different. Sometimes I think I see the beginnings of real power – the power to create a new world, a new reality. Yet, I know that power won’t be ours until we begin to act from the heart consistently and do what we are guided to do by love. When everything we do nurtures life, we will move past death and into life. We might even taste true power – a power that only comes with an unswerving commitment to life. ♦